The Best Parenting Advice

I’ve been reflecting on my first year of motherhood. Everyone has an opinion about every topic (especially sleep). I received a LOT of advice this year and a lot of it was not helpful. With more and more friends having babies I wanted to compile the helpful advice in one place so that I can easily share it. This is advice that I’ve heard from other mothers, books, podcasts, and my own experience.

Best Broad Advice

Trust Your Gut

Kathy’s, my late mother-in-law, advice.

This may seem really rudimentary but when I was deep in the newborn trenches this kept me strong. A few years ago one of my sister-in-law (SIL) was anxiously talking about her worries and concerns about what felt like conflicting parenting advice. My mother-in-law (MIL) said, “You really need to trust your gut. If the au current parenting style feels wrong to you don’t do it. Trust what your gut is telling you.” She then told a story about when her first son was an infant she was told not to hold him or else she would spoil him. Her gut was screaming at her to hold him more but she listened to that advice. She regretted that she didn’t listen to her gut.

When Verity was a few weeks old she would only sleep on me. Every time we set her down she would cry. My gut was telling me that she just needed to sleep next to me. But that is a big no-no. I found an interview of a researcher on NPR explaining the biggest risks around co-sleeping. I followed the guidelines of what that researcher said and removed all of the pillows and kicked my husband out of bed. It felt so natural and right to curl around her and sleep. And we both slept. My MIL’s advice gave me the strength to listen and follow my gut. I hope you’re able to trust your gut too.

Make a friend with a baby slightly older than yours.

I actually heard this on a podcast and it is definitely true. The podcaster, who has a 3 year old daughter, was asked for baby advice. She said that she had blacked out those months and had no advice beyond finding a friend who has a baby about 3 months older than yours. That person has made it out of the stage you’re currently in and remembers it. That definitely holds true. A year later and the newborn stage is definitely foggy but, I remember what having a 6 month old is like.

Baby Cafe/La Leche League

Make sure you check out if there is a local Baby Cafe or La Leche League. Beyond the lactation support it was wonderful having a group of moms that I could see every week. The group Whatsapp chat is always active and we all ask questions and give each other advice. Even if you never attempt to breastfeed go for the community. These women made sure no one was ever alone.

Mylicon

Mylicon is magic!! At about 3-4 weeks old babies all of a sudden forget how to poop and need to learn how to again. My husband describes it as a 1 month free trial on their colon. They get super fussy and gassy. Mylicon is baby gasx and it works sooo well. My pediatrician even said that it’s safe to give every 2 hours. The moment Verity got fussy we gave her a little mylicon and she settled right down.

Say Yes to Help

This may seem easy but it’s not. You may feel like you’re imposing on a stranger but it takes a village and that village may include a lady in a restaurant bathroom. One time I changed Verity’s diaper in a restaurant and they had pedestal sinks. Normally I can sit Verity on a counter and wash my hands but here I could not. An older woman looked at me and asked, “Can I help you?” I hesitated and then said, “Yes, wash your hands and then can you hold her?” My hands were clean and Verity made a new friend. This is especially important if you are traveling by yourself. One flight I ended up dropping my diaper bag and it took 3 women helping me down the jetbridge to get on that plane. It was rough but my fellow travellers were my village and they can be yours too!

Wear Your Baby

Baby wearing in Antelope Canyon, AZ

There will be multiple points where your baby does not want to be set down. Those days wear your baby. While they are newborns a solly baby wrap or similar carrier is great. It keeps them close to your heartbeat and your hands are free. As they get older (and heavier) a more structured carrier helps distribute their weight better. I love my Artipoppe but I know that’s out of many people’s price points, make sure to leave a comment if you have a favorite carrier.

Travel While You Can

I really wish we had taken the opportunity to travel while Verity was younger than 6 months. After 6 months she developed FOMO and will not sleep on a plane. Travel while you can.

Best Sleep Advice

3am Switch Off

We actually started this with Clementine, our dog who is 4 and still wakes up at midnight and 3am to pee 😑, and it was extremely helpful during the newborn stage. One parent wakes up/stays awake the first part of the night and at 3am the other parent takes over. This way we each had an uninterrupted 6 hours of sleep. Be aware that if you are planning on exclusively breast feeding this does mean that your baby will most likely be getting a bottle at some point in the night. I was able to maintain my supply by breast feeding or pumping at 2am before I went to sleep and immediately when I woke up. I’m a night owl so I would take the first shift.

When You Change the Diaper Matters

During the day feed then change the diaper, at night change the diaper and then feed. Diaper changes wake up and upset most newborns. Bottles calm them down. You want them to be awake longer during the day then at night.

Triple Feeding is Hard

At Baby Cafe there was usually a mom with a 1 or 2 week old who was really struggling with triple feeding. Triple feeding is where you breastfeed, then pump, then give a bottle. It is exhausting especially if you try to do that at every feed. It is ok if you don’t pump or don’t breastfeed at every feeding. You do not need to follow it perfectly. Do your best.

The 4-Month Sleep Regression is No Joke

I was reflecting the other day and this was by far the hardest part of the first year for me. I would get Verity to fall asleep, put her down in her crib, 15 minutes later she would wake up crying, and then it would take me 45 minutes to get her to fall back asleep. I would spend my entire day trying to get her to nap. I was exhausted, hungry, and at my wits end. We hired a sleep coach and ultimately I think it was helpful in that 1) it helped me give myself permission to let her cry a little and 2) whenever you spend money on a problem it fixes itself soon afterwards. Ultimately my advice is to get noise canceling headphones, make your lunch, eat your lunch, by the time you’re finished hopefully 🤞 your baby has fallen back asleep. The noise canceling headphones are key.

If you are interested in items that I find useful check out my amazon store front.