Back to All Blog Posts

Today is our second wedding anniversary. My wedding day did not go how I thought it would. The day was bright and sunny, our venue was beautiful, my friends traveled to spend the day with us, this was going to be the happy beginning to my fairy tale. A day that I wish I could look back at with only fond memories. Unfortunately, my vestibular migraine decided to rear its ugly head 10 minutes before our ceremony. I did not walk down the aisle with parents. I did not have a first dance. I did not share a meal with my closest friends and family. I feel like I missed out on a lot. But I still had a great day. I have lots of beautiful photos, was able to spend some time with my family and friends, and marry the love of my life.

If you are worried about your chronic illness flaring up during your wedding, you are not alone. The best thing you can do is to try to be prepared and be flexible with how your wedding day might change. I’m going to share with you the steps that I took to make the most out of my wedding day while feeling like I was on a small boat in a hurricane.

Photos

We took the bulk of photos of the two of us, our wedding party, my mother and brother, and my in-laws during the day. This was a wonderful decision because we have so many photos from before I got sick. It did mean that I was pretty exhausted by the time of our ceremony, which may have contributed to my migraine. My migraines do usually happen in the afternoon so the migraine might have happened regardless. I missed photos with my Dad’s family because those were scheduled for after the ceremony. I originally asked my Dad if he and his family would arrive before the ceremony so that we could schedule all of the group photos prior to the ceremony. However, he thought it was a dumb idea and an inconvenience to get there early. So that’s on him. The photographer did take a photo of my Dad’s side of the family. It’s missing me but it’s nice that I have a photo of my grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

My father’s side of the family. Notice the conspicuously missing bride.Photo by: Mango Studios — My father’s side of the family. Notice the conspicuously missing bride.
Photo by: Mango Studios

Recommendation:

If you know you normally are in more pain, tired, or have flare ups at certain times of the day schedule the bulk of your photos around that. Pictures are what you have to remember this day by so do what you can to get your photos taken. If you are unable to join for your family photos definitely still have them taken. It’s not often that all of your family is together with a professional photographer on hand. You should also let your family know the reason why you are having them arrive early. It might be an inconvenience to them, but it will ensure that you’ll get the memories captured with you included. AND IT’S YOUR DAY G-D DAMN IT!

Ceremony

Our ceremony was going to be outdoors under a beautiful flower covered chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy). It was going to be filled with meaningful poems and romantic imagery. But it did not happen outside or with much romanticism. We got married in a dimly lit upstairs room with the minimum to make our marriage legal. It was very intimate with just our immediate family in attendance. Peter helped me walk down the aisle before everyone was in the room. He then blocked my view of everyone else entering because watching people move made me throw up. Once everyone was seated, we had a super quick ceremony that was still really touching (my father-in-law and brother both cried). Our photos are a little weird because we are sitting on winged-back chairs. But I was unable to stand so that’s how the cookie crumbled.

Recommendation:

If you’re having trouble walking try to make the aisle shorter. Or you walk in before everyone so that you do not need to worry about falling over in front of everyone.

Consider modifying your ceremony so that it’s shorter. Ask your officiant to do the bare minimum to legally be married. If there isn’t a need to get married on that day consider going to the courthouse on a later date. It won’t be a romantic ceremony but more about the legality so hopefully no one will complain too loudly that they were not physically present when you actually get married.

Also consider being seated during your ceremony. No, the pictures won’t be as nice and not everyone will see your dress very well. But if you’re not feeling well, who cares? Have you and your groom sit in chairs so that you’re on the same level. It will make it easier to photograph and feel more cohesive.

Cocktail Hour

My ceremony ended up taking place about an hour and a half later than scheduled (I was busy throwing up). So instead of having my guests sit outside waiting I asked my wedding coordinator to start cocktail hour. That bought us time to figure out what we were going to do about a ceremony.

Recommendation:

Talk to your venue/wedding coordinator/wedding planner about whether cocktail hour can be easily moved up if need be. This will keep your guests occupied and bides you some time to figure out a game plan for the rest of the evening.

Speeches

After the ceremony our guests sat down for dinner. My dad called me and put me on speaker phone. I was able to listen and enjoy all of the speeches.

Recommendation:

When your guests sit down for dinner have someone call you and put you on speaker phone. That way you can still be able to listen and enjoy all of the speeches if you are not present. One thing that I regret was that the speeches were not recorded. I recommend having someone capture them on video.

Dinner

During dinner I stayed in an upstairs room. I was still very nauseous, so I didn’t feel like eating anything. This was the time where I got to spend a lot of time with my guests. My mom went from table to table asking people to come up and visit with me. I got to spend a lot of quality time with them. My brother stayed with me the entire time if I needed anything.

Recommendation:

If you’re feeling up to it have your mom/maid of honor/bridesmaid go around and ask guests to come visit with you in small groups. This is especially important if they traveled from out of town. You can also ask your wedding coordinator to bring you your food or even just some bread.

First Dance

If you’re not feeling well and/or in pain this probably isn’t going to happen. I personally was very nervous for our first dance, so I am a little bit relieved that it didn’t happen. My photographer had us take a few photos twirling. I was able to get a nice photo of my dress in motion without dancing in front of 100 people. If you’re a dancer I can see how not having a first dance would be really disappointing. But to everyone else get some twirling photos just the two of you. Do you have any ideas for people to still have their first dance? Leave a comment below. I would love to hear your ideas.

Cake Cutting

We cut our cake in the room I was hanging out in upstairs. My husband sat next to me on a couch. Really just our immediate families were present for this.

Recommendation:

You could do the cake cutting where you are hiding from the world and have your photographer take pictures. You could also have just your groom cut the cake or maybe your mothers do it together. You could also forgo this tradition entirely and just serve everyone cake.

Thank You Brunch

My husband’s aunt and uncle offered to host a brunch the day after our wedding. We invited all of our out of town guests to this. I was feeling a bit better, so I was able to spend time with everyone there.

Recommendation:

This is definitely an extra expense that not everyone will be able to do. But if mornings are normally a better time for you consider having a brunch time wedding. It’s what the English do.

There really are not any rules when it comes to wedding planning. Make your wedding day your own. If you’re worried about having a flare up have a plan in place in advance. It can still be a beautiful day no matter how you are feeling. Enjoy what you can of the day and maybe consider having a big 10-year wedding anniversary party. Hopefully by then you’ll have your chronic illness better under control.